What Is Parent Coaching?

What does a parent coach actually do?

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If you've never worked with a parent coach before, you might be wondering what it actually involves.

Is it someone telling you how to deal with your child?

Is it someone giving you a list of parenting techniques?

Or is it basically therapy?

The answer is: not really any of those things.

Parent coaching is a space where you can talk honestly about what's happening in your family, understand the patterns you're getting stuck in and explore different ways of responding.

And sometimes, the thing that needs the most attention isn't actually your child.

It's what is happening for you.

Why might someone see a parent coach?

Parenting can bring up an enormous amount.

You might be struggling with your child's behaviour.

You might be shouting more than you'd like.

You might feel constantly overwhelmed, touched out or overstimulated.

You might find boundaries really difficult.

Or you might be wondering why something that seems relatively small to someone else sends you into such a big reaction.

You can love your child completely and still find parenting incredibly hard.

You might even find yourself thinking:

"Why am I reacting like this?"

"Why can't I just stay calm?"

"I know what I should do, so why can't I do it?"

"Why does my child's behaviour affect me so much?"

These are the sorts of things we can explore through parent coaching.

Parent coaching isn't about being a perfect parent

One of the things I don't believe in is the idea that there is one perfect way to parent.

You don't need to get every response right.

You don't need to be calm every second of every day.

And you don't need to follow a particular parenting method perfectly.

You're a human being raising another human being.

There will be difficult days.

There will be moments when you lose your patience.

There will be times when you get it wrong.

Parent coaching isn't about making those things disappear.

It's about helping you understand what's happening so that you have more choice in how you respond.

What happens in parent coaching?

A session might start with something very practical.

Perhaps your child is having huge meltdowns.

Perhaps you're having the same argument every morning.

Perhaps bedtime has become a battle.

Perhaps you're struggling with your child's behaviour at school.

Or perhaps you're feeling completely overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood.

We'll talk about what's happening and what you've already tried.

But we can also slow things down and look at what happens for you.

What do you notice in your body?

What happens when your child becomes upset?

Do you become angry?

Anxious?

Do you feel the need to fix everything?

Do you freeze?

Do you shut down?

Do you find yourself saying yes when you desperately want to say no?

These reactions can tell us a lot.

The nervous system and parenting

My approach to parent coaching has evolved over the years.

I originally trained as a parenting coach and spent years supporting parents through my previous business, Happy Me Parenting.

I'm now also a qualified Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner, which means I bring a nervous-system and body-based perspective into my work.

This doesn't mean everything has to become complicated or clinical.

Sometimes it simply means noticing:

"Something happens in me when my child does that."

Maybe your child's shouting makes your whole body tense.

Maybe their distress makes you feel panicked.

Maybe conflict makes you want to run away.

Maybe you go completely blank when things become too much.

Understanding these responses can help you begin to have more choice rather than feeling like you're simply reacting automatically.

Sometimes parenting brings up our own stuff

This can be one of the hardest parts of becoming a parent.

Our children can bring up things we thought we'd dealt with years ago.

Perhaps you were shouted at as a child and promised yourself you'd never shout at your own children.

Perhaps you grew up in a family where emotions weren't really talked about.

Perhaps you learned to keep everyone happy.

Perhaps you were expected to be "good" and not cause problems.

And now you're parenting your own children and finding yourself caught in patterns you never intended to repeat.

That doesn't mean you've failed.

It means you're human.

Parenting can bring some of our own experiences very close to the surface.

Parent coaching isn't about blaming your own parents

Looking at your own experiences isn't about finding someone to blame.

It's about understanding yourself.

The more we understand why certain situations are difficult for us, the more possibility there can be for doing something different.

You might begin to notice:

"This is why I find saying no so difficult."

"This is why my child's anger feels so threatening to me."

"This is why I feel responsible for everyone's feelings."

"This is why I completely shut down when there is conflict."

That understanding can be incredibly valuable.

What can parent coaching help with?

Parent coaching can be useful if you're struggling with things such as:

• shouting and losing your patience

• boundaries and saying no

• your child's behaviour

• big emotions and meltdowns

• sibling conflict

• feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated

• parental guilt

• people-pleasing

• feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions

• feeling disconnected from your child

• repeating patterns from your own childhood

• anxiety around your child's emotions

• the emotional load of motherhood

• feeling like you're constantly getting things wrong

• simply feeling stuck and not knowing what to do differently

You don't have to have a huge problem to seek support.

Sometimes you just know that you don't want things to carry on feeling like this.

My experience as a parent coach

I originally trained as a parenting coach and built my previous business, Happy Me Parenting, around supporting parents.

I've worked with parents across the UK and internationally for over six years.

Over the years, I've also had the opportunity to contribute to radio, appear on television and work with public figures and their families.

My work has gradually evolved as I've learned more about the nervous system, stress and trauma through my training in Somatic Experiencing®.

Today, I bring my experience as a parent coach together with this somatic approach through Happy Me Somatic Therapy.

Parent coaching online across the UK

I offer parent coaching online via Zoom, so you don't need to live near me in Newcastle upon Tyne.

I work with parents across the UK and, where appropriate, internationally.

You can find out more about my [Parent Coaching Online UK] service here.

Is parent coaching the same as therapy?

No.

Parent coaching and therapy are different types of support.

Parent coaching focuses specifically on your experience of parenting, your relationship with your child and the challenges you're experiencing as a parent.

Somatic Experiencing® is a therapeutic approach that works with the nervous system and the effects of stress and trauma. I do use Somatic Experiencing techniques when working with Parent Coaching clidnts, this will be explained in our first initial consult together.

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You don't have to wait until you're at breaking point

You don't need to be a terrible parent.

You don't need to be in crisis.

And you certainly don't need to have everything figured out before asking for support.

You might simply be tired of reacting in ways you don't like.

You might want to understand yourself better.

Or you might just want somewhere to talk honestly about parenting without someone telling you what you should be doing.

That's what parent coaching can offer.

[Find out more about Parent Coaching]

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